Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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