i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
