Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
