So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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