Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
