I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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