oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
