maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
