My first STD was from a foam party
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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