I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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