I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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