I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
