apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
