This is not my ceiling
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
