just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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