If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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