he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
