i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
