i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
