This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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