im six kinds of drunk right now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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