They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
