Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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