meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
