Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
