Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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