why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
