You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
