the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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