i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
