Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
