As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
