Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
