In the future we'll all be gay
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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