How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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