Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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