Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
