How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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