omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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