just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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