I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
