your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
