I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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