imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
