you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
