it was like eating out sand paper
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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