He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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