Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
