you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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