Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
